Dynamic differences between envy and jealousy
Publish Date : February, 2025
In clinical discourse, there are certain concepts that get confused very frequently ― not only in professional discussions but also in the psychoanalytic literature. One example, discussed in Critique and Praxis #003, is the difference between shame and guilt. Another important example is that of envy and jealousy, which are routinely conflated both in the public’s mind and in professional discourse.
Perhaps understandably so. One dictionary offers the following distinction: “To envy is to feel unhappy because someone else possesses or has accomplished something you wish you had yourself. Jealousy is resenting someone who has gained something that you think you more rightly deserve.” This is helpful, but perhaps so nuanced that it limits its value to clinical understanding. In psychotherapy, the distinction is crucial and can be understood as follows.
Envy is structured dyadically. For instance, I see something ‘good’ that I do not have (a thing or an attribute), and I want to damage or destroy it, out of a deep-seated envy, just because it is ‘other.’ We need not believe in Melanie Klein’s hypothesis that babies are born with primal envy that prompts them to want to destroy the maternal breast, but we can still appreciate the vicious aggressivity that is involved in envy. After all, I gain nothing by damaging or destroying the ‘good object’ that I envy. Consider this trite example: I see a Rolls Royce and I want to scratch it or take a crowbar to its shiny exterior.
Jealousy is structured triadically. For instance, I see something ‘good’ that I do not have, but that you do, and I want to take it from you and have it for myself. Jealousy can be just as viciously aggressive as envy, but it involves the wish to take the ‘good object’ from another ‘other’ (who has it), rather than to damage or destroy this thing or attribute. If anyone is to be damaged or destroyed it is the ‘other’ that possesses the ‘good object.’ Again, the trite example: I see someone else’s Rolls Royce and I want to take it away from him or her, and have it for myself; perhaps I will even kill him or her in order to obtain it.
Envy and jealousy are ubiquitous on all levels of human functioning. Often both are operative together. In psychotherapeutic work, thinking about the distinction can sometimes facilitate the challenge of getting beyond these seriously maleficent and injurious feelings and wishes.